zomg i really can't believe i can't sleep, and it's 3.30am :( :(

anyway, it's the return to Multiply! whoots!
(not that a lot of people read my stuff or whatever, mostly this blog is for reminders for myself)

tweet tweet.

ok... need... sleep...
PEACE. REST.

While walking home, I suddenly had a little flashback to 3 years back.

It was the same route I'd walk from my tuition place (which was 2 bus stops away) back home - the straight pavement along the side of a big field with surrounding blocks of flats.

I loved, and still do love, walking this route home, especially at night. Sweet smell of grass, crickets or frogs sounding from the dark grass patches beside the pavement, and most of all, the moon above the flats.

Past 1130pm, it was about the same time that I'd walk home from my tutor's, since I'd stay late to do past year papers and TYS (gosh, those were the days) for O Levels.

Same block of flats, same moon, same field (apart from a relatively new fence around it for school teams to train for soccer)

I stopped for a while.

Same girl.
But with contacts in place of glasses,
with mascara, eyeshadow and foundation instead of a bare face,
with a pretty bag in place of a dusty school bag, frayed and torn,
an iPod in one hand in place of books being lugged with both arms.
Same girl.
Same God.
Same love.

I don't realise it, but unconsciously walls are built up in my life. And i start to harden up to things that would previously soften my heart.

Praise God for anointed music that act as reminders :)
And for a Father's heart. He'll never fail to take the opportunity to show me how much He loves me again and again, albeit in simple ways.
I'm guilty of this: getting lost in a sea of to-dos, of hours of getting-this-over-and-done-with, minutes of zoning out while my com lags.
But this is a moment. Every day is filled with moments.
NOTE to self: Don't miss out on the miracle of this moment. ENJOY IT.

Anyway, coming back to the flashback.
Daddy is really faithful.
It's not a cliche, it's not something i'm saying cos' the Bible says it or cos' people say it.
But i know it. He's been so faithful to me.
5 years.. doesn't seem much. It's not even 10 years.
But to me, it is my whole life in youth ministry.
5 years have come and gone, and i just know that i'm not the same person i was 5 years ago.

I'm still in some ways, that awkward girl,
who stood in the corner during praise & worship in Evangelion camp,
who was uber insecure,
who didn't know much about Daddy God and grace,
who cried like nobody's business during a song that is "oversung",
a girl who was touched by a God who loves her deeply beyond measure.

I'm the same yet not the same.

I want to sing
Until i am lost in Your love
Till I'm found in Your presence
Worshipping before Your throne

Filled by Your Spirit
Entering into Your flow
How precious this moment
Lord i want You to know

It's You
You who have won my heart
Taken me into Your arms
Comforted me like a friend
Your love surrounded me from the start
I never want to be apart
From You ever again

Daddy God is and will always be the same.
He still hears cries,
He still mends hearts,
He still remembers dreams,
He never leaves me nor forsakes me.

Orea stuff dip
Oreo cream centres removed and melted into a dip


does this actually look good to anyone?? =/

felt like puking when i saw this but... somehow this intrigues me.


credits to:
http://www.jeffrubinjeffrubin.com/post/140389638/oreo-dip
http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

Mommy *sniff sniff* it's over!!!

did anyone ever realise that Michael Jackson's "The Way You Make Me Feel" has the same beat as Tears For Fear's "Everybody Wants To Rule The World"??

it's super alike! and i think could have MJ copied, cos his song was 2 years after Tears For Fears'. And wiki doesn't even have anything regarding this. Copyright issue sial. TSK. hahaha..

this is not defamation hor. just an opinion :)

and.. back to Masina SPSS-ing! gah. (5 min breaks invite many random thoughts)

K this is gonna be a really long post. Please do feel free to critique my work (whoever's reading this and actually manages to read all of it, heh) Thanks! :)


Days of Silence

A glance. Her heart skips a beat. For a split second, the old lady reminded Elaine of Mama. The way she pouted her thick lips. The effortful blink. Jingles of jade bracelets against each other; bracelets that matched added some colour to that dull green-brown buttoned-down blouse.

The old lady was but an aged auntie with a young girl beside her – She was someone else’s. Elaine forces out a smile as the girl affectionately leads the grey-haired lady past her and a down small flight of steps.

Prying her eyes away from them, a sour feeling slowly engulfs Elaine’s heart.

It had been five months.

*****

Piang. For a moment there was almost silence in the food court. All eyes were on the cleaner who had let a plate slip through his greasy fingers as he frantically picked up the broken fragments. Murmurs resumed and the hustle and bustle of the lunch place returned to normal.

“I did tai chi with my Mama at her block’s community centre on Thursday,” Elaine said as she pushed rice grains around her plate.

She took pride in telling people about her stay-overs at Mama’s. It seemed like a very filial and loving thing to do.

Through a mouth full of food, Kevin replied, “Woah, you woke up early to go with her?”

“Yup, we were there at 7.”

7am. Quite an unearthly hour for a student on holiday break to be awake, let alone be washed up, wearing contact lenses, filled with breakfast and ‘ready for tai chi’.

“So early. I woke up at like 1,” he laughed unembarrassed, amused at his own comment like a child who’d just heard a good joke.

“You should learn to be more like me,” Elaine simpered and sat up in her chair pridefully.

In actual fact, she had been unwillingly awakened by the clattering of kitchen utensils made by Mama preparing Milo and coffee for breakfast. Tai chi? Well, she had sat at a table behind the area where Mama did her tai chi and watched with sleepy eyes and an occasional accommodating smile.

Kevin raised his eyebrows and bobbled his head, as if mockingly agreeing with her self-praise statement. Reaching out for the tissue pack on the table, he said, “I just read 'Tuesdays with Morrie'.”

She laughed. That’s quite random.

“I finished it last night. That’s why I slept so late.”

Ohh, no wonder. Is it nice?

“Yeah, not bad. I think if you read it, you’ll cry a lot at the end,” he smirked.

“No I won’t.” Elaine was defensive.

She is a strong person. A strong, young woman. Strong. Or at least she’d always thought of herself to be.

They gathered their Bibles and notebooks, mandatory Sunday items, stood up and headed towards the escalator outside the food court. On the way to the auditorium, Kevin began on his usual ranting of how regimental the army is, while Elaine half-heartedly listened.

In her head, she drifted from remembering his previous recounts of funny army incidents to trying to recall when was the last time she cried to thinking how she really should start on her reading habit again. She did some mental planning to visit the library after church service as they sauntered off the escalator and towards the crowded entrance of their church.

Pick up the book, she thought. Read it and prove Kevin wrong. About crying.

*****

Pak. “Oh, sorry,” Elaine says, apologising to the flustered businessman she had bumped into as she turned back. Stop looking already, she tells herself. With a final glance, she caught sight of the adolescent girl holding the arm of her grandmother as they jaywalked across the narrow residential street.

Her tired feet shuffle on the dusty cement path, and she finally makes it to the lift of her estate. Mindlessly pressing the lift button, Elaine waits as the red numbers decrease from 25… 24… 23…

Mama’s house’s lift is so much faster, she thinks. Allowing herself to drift into the indistinguishable state halfway between being focused and daydreaming once again, images of Mama flashes through her mind. She vividly pictures Mama opening the apartment door, the aroma of home-cooked food flooding out, and she greets her family with greasy hands held in awkward positions so as to not make her clothes oily. The sour feeling inside grows stronger.

Ding. She doesn’t enter the empty lift.

*****

“Love is the only rationale act”
– A wise man named Levine, in ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’

Sprawled on the cold marble floor of her living room, and with the luxury of time, Elaine was drawn into the book like a hungry fish on a reel.

Time is such a precious thing, she thought, as yet another page is turned and she dived deeper into the story of Mitch Albom and his coach.

For a brief moment, thinking back to her most recent stay-over at Mama’s, Elaine subconsciously reflected on how she spent her time there. Chatting online while she responded to Mama’s stories of how her day went with only ‘mm’s, ‘ah’s and ‘orh’s. Playing online games while Mama slogged away in the kitchen preparing dinner. Watching Nickelodeon cartoons and pretending to listen as Mama shared about her favourite Taiwanese drama serial.

Couldn’t I have just spared some of those moments to listen, and not just hear, Elaine pondered. After all, Mama was talking to her. Not to anyone else, but to her. Why does it take words on a book to remind of things that we hold dear to us?

A tear escaped the corner of her eye and Elaine quickly brushed it away, as if afraid that someone had seen it. Closing the book, Elaine watched as the cover sprung back into the curved position she had held it in for almost two hours straight. Then she picked up her handphone and keyed in Mama’s house number, with a renewed enthusiasm to make a stay-over worth it.


Weighed down with her duffel bag slung on one shoulder and a casual bag on the other, Elaine stepped out of the MRT train, and as usual, was jostled nonchalantly by the crowd entering the train. Typical.

As she walked out of the MRT station, she did a double take on a bakery shop just between the station and the block of flats where Mama stayed. Mom always bought something when she visited Mama, should I too? And it dawned on her that in all her 18 years she had never once bought anything for Mama. She suddenly felt a twinge of guilt, and despite carrying two big bags, she managed her way into the shop.


Phump. The duffel bag landed loudly in front of Mama’s apartment gate as it slid off Elaine’s shoulder. Knock knock. She could hear Mama washing up some dishes and coming over to open the door. “Mama,” she greeted her only living grandmother in Mandarin as the door opened slowly. “I bought some pandan cake for you.”

“Aiyo, why waste money? I don’t need you to buy cake for me,” Mama responded. Scolding again, I only wanted to buy you something you like, Elaine snapped at Mama, but only in her mind. She felt somewhat dejected, and she didn’t need to be faced with negative tones; it was meant to be a relaxing holiday.

Elaine went in and set her bags down on the couch that would become her sofa-bed by night, not saying anything. Just be absorbed in watching brainless cartoons on cable TV, since I don’t even have cable TV at home, she comforted herself. At least I’m here and bought that pandan cake. Then she caught herself.

Elaine came to a conclusion within herself – she’d gone over to Mama’s again because she wanted to make the time worth it right? So make it worth it. She softened and finally responded, genuinely interested, to Mama raving about the Korean drama that was on TV.

Was this bakery’s cake even nice? Will Mama eat it?

*****

Ever notice how we never notice certain things until something thought provoking comes along and jolts your mind? Ever notice how you start noticing things you never really noticed before only after that?

Death is one of such things.

As Elaine sat herself at the old stone table at the void deck of her HDB block, she reminisces, letting the realisation of recent events that have happened in her family sink in deeper.

As she unpacks her laptop from her bag, the mild evening breeze signalled another relaxing and possibly productive editing session. Though she could only stay as long as her laptop battery allowed her, Elaine had gotten used to doing her work there since the time her neighbour was doing construction work. Besides, void decks remind her of her childhood days spent going to Mama’s old place to play with her cousins.

As she pushes her laptop screen up, she randomly craves tomyam soup.

*****

“I’m worried about Mama,” Mom said.

“I know what you mean.” Elaine stared at the cup of coffee in her hands.

It was the third time they were having this talk: about her granduncle's death and funeral. The fan rotated and blew cool wind in their direction, sending stray strands of hair flying past their pensive faces. It was a typical school morning – breakfast at the coffee shop with either Mom or Dad, with Mom that quiet Thursday morning, before Elaine got a lift to school.

Shop vendors erupted in laughter at an inside joke. Smile-filled conversations went on across tables in the coffee shop. A handful of people dressed smartly in business suits sauntered in by the side. Everything seemed so… normal. The world never stops moving on.

“How’s Mama?” It was a question Elaine knew the answer to. Yet she didn’t really. Mom sighed deeply. “She says she’s okay, but I can tell she feels a bit scared. She won’t really say it, but she did make a passing remark that soon it will her turn.”

Cos’ she knows she’s the last one, right?

“Yeah… all her siblings are gone already.” They both understood; Mom had mentioned this the previous time. Mom continued to twirl her bee hoon with the chopsticks.

The fear, the anticipation of death. I will never know how she feels, Elaine thought. Perhaps it’s not truly knowing the same God I do. She did come with us to church and said the prayer of salvation, but truly believing – that’s between her and God. Perhaps it’s being at her age.

“When was the last time you stayed over?” Mom asked, suddenly interrupting Elaine’s train of thought. “Huh? Oh, I think about 3 months back?” It felt longer. “Maybe you can go over sometime soon, I think she’ll like having you there. And she really needs company.”

Elaine knew it too. Being alone in her own apartment, it would be easy for Mama to dwell on things she shouldn’t. Elaine didn’t want that to happen. She had to be there for Mama, keep her mind on other things: it was her responsibility.


Project work was the reason why Elaine hadn’t seen Mama in such a long time. Valid, but yet, it still was an excuse. Lugging her duffel bag and casual bag once again, Elaine entered the lift and pressed the ‘9’ button.

Mind whirling about things that needed to accomplish, she was snapped back to reality as the lift door opens to Level 9. The main door was already wide open, save for the gate, which remained closed. Mama had obviously been expecting her.

“Mama,” Elaine greeted, the way she knew Mama liked, as she let herself in the apartment. Mom always used to scold her for not greeting Mama; old people like to be greeted, she would say.

“Girl, come,” Mama called to her eagerly. Then again, she would always be eager when she had a chance to cook for someone, which was an infrequent chance since she’d moved in on her own. Elaine quickly put her bags down at the couch and went over to the kitchen.

“I’m making tomyam soup. Do you like it? Mom says you like spicy food…” Mama spoke in Teochew, her dialect. She only spoke to Elaine in dialect when she was very comfortable. 
Elaine grinned, heartened. “How do you make it?”

Mama taught her slowly. She was patient. She had no airs about her. Not like how she usually did when there were large family dinners with Mom’s three other brothers and their families. Those times, she would unashamedly boast about how she knows how to make the dishes the restaurant served and how simple the recipes were to her.

Within half an hour, Mama had successfully imparted whatever knowledge she had of making tomyam soup to Elaine. The teen quickly went to jot down notes for herself on a rough paper found in her bag while Mama took out some fish from the refrigerator.

“Girl,” Mama called again. Elaine ignored her vibrating handphone, put down the pen and paper, and skipped over.


By 7.20pm, the evening sky darkened outside, Mama and Elaine sat down at the small dinner table cluttered with dishes large and small. A new Korean drama played on TV, disturbed momentarily by an MRT train passing by in the distance. Accompanying all the noise was the clacking of chopsticks on porcelain bowls.

Digging in to an intimate, homey dinner, Elaine scooped sauce from pork rib stew and poured the dark, savoury gravy onto rice in Mama’s rice bowl. Mama thanked her. Taking in all that was before her, she looked deeply into Mama’s eyes, though downcast and hard-fixed on the food spread before her.

This old lady has been through so much, Elaine thought as she bit into a tender piece of pork. She tried to act like she was concentrating on eating. Because of the closeness, she noticed the wrinkles on Mama’s round face spreading and gathering as she ate. She saw how greyish-blue Mama’s eyes had become since her cataract operations last year.

Mama looked up and caught Elaine’s eye. Elaine diverted her eyes to the TV and commented on one of the actors, almost too immediately, hoping Mama would not think much of the sudden attention.

With steam still clouding the table, Elaine then began to ladle some tomyam soup into her bowl – the first dish they had made together.

The dinner was a relatively quiet affair. But instead of awkwardness, the silence of words was in fact, comforting. And without words, Elaine could feel that Mama felt the same way too.

*****

For once in a long while, Elaine feels the quietness at the void deck somewhat uncomfortable. Too many things are going through her mind for her to focus on editing. She stares blankly at her screen as her editing project stares back at her. Attention.

She abruptly remembers a part of ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’. Elaine frantically rummages through her backpack, like a hungry child in search of a chocolate chip cookie. Aha! Her fingers grasp tightly onto the inch-thick book and pulled it out the bag. Then flipping through the pages fast, just cautious enough to not get any paper cuts, her finger lands on the part she was looking for:

"We...need to forgive ourselves...For all the things we didn't do. All the things we should have done. You can't get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened."
- Morrie Schwartz, in ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’

Regrets of time unspent. That’s what’s been bugging Elaine all this time. Regrets that led to condemnation that led to feelings tucked away inside of her; that eventually led to her not wanting to return to Mama’s place. Now with a new revelation, she can’t let this go on. She has to go back.


Elaine shuffles her feet impatiently. Waiting for the lift never felt so excruciatingly long. Ding. Finally, she thinks, and steps into the empty lift.

At Level 9, she walks out, with a sudden uncertainly, every footstep forward felt a little more like a mistake, a doubt. No! I have to do this, she commands herself. I want to do this… I need this…

Staring up at the unit number, then at the metal gate and the main door, Elaine realises not much has changed since her last visit. The wooden shoe cabinet by the side grew a paler shade of brown, probably due to the varnish having been scrubbed clean off by Mama many months before.

Here goes. She unlocks both the gate and the main door as silently as she can, unsure of what to expect inside, behind that heavy door.

Sunlight washes over her as Elaine slips in through the narrow gap she allows for herself. It is almost near sunset and the curtains are drawn, windows agape behind them. Ritually setting her things down on the couch, she takes a good long look at the dinner table. Mama’s bread container is empty.

Diverting her eyes to the closed door of Mama’s room, Elaine braces herself and sets her T-shirt straight. She moves over. Then knocking once and pushing gently on the wood, she says out loud out:

“Mama, it’s me. I’m here to stay again.”

With soft rustling of the bed sheets, a voice slurs sleepily, “Eh? Why didn’t you call? I could’ve cooked lunch for you.”

She sighs to herself, contented and eased. And the small, round frame that is Mama, with her back facing Elaine, sits up in her old, creaky bed to welcome her favourite granddaughter, her only granddaughter.

“Mama,“ Elaine quickly says. “No need to get up. Go back to sleep; I’ll wake you when we’re going to make dinner.” Elaine smiles a smile only she can see. Small tears skim her left cheek as they fall.

“Ok, remember to wake me,” Mama says as she lazily lowers herself onto the stiff mattress again.

It is said that, “well-timed silence has more eloquence than speech”. And this moment feels like it.

Silence is golden. Golden.

*****

 “… Eventually a deep silence falls and we begin to notice the smallest sounds… We squirm, check our watches. A few students look out the window, trying to be above it all. Why are we embarrassed by silence? What comfort do we find in all the noise?”
- Mitch Albom

Wordless, she stares affectionately at this person – a wrinkled creature; a knobbly exhibit; an unattractive ancient – her Mama, as she cuts herbs, onions and garlic. She is beautiful. And Elaine is thankful beyond description that the love they share is something that is untouched, unchanged through days of silence.


© 2009 Alene Tan :)

something i learnt is that people should not have regrets.

want to ask, must gan gan ask. if not, you may not get the chance again.

want to listen, must listen and not just hear. cos you may not get to hear the same thing said in the same way again.

want to see, must see and not look. cos you will never see the same thing in the same moment ever again.

want to enjoy, just really relish the moment and bask in it, cos it will never happen again.

"its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

don't live in a world of what-ifs and if-onlys. im still learning this. learning to think less and let go more.

random thought: spontaneity is good. i need more of it in my life. haha...

zomg zomg zomg last day of Danzation!

wahh i don't want it to end so fast!!!!!!

good job everyone! we will make today the best school performance of 2008! YEAH!
I BELIEVE, WE BELIEVE, THEY BELIEVE!

doing 3 items seems really little compared to the whole production. but really thank God even for the little.

argh i really wish i could be part of the audience tho. but then again... dancing is so much more fun :)

took lots of pics, will update again soon :)

jiayou NRA, jiayou RP and all the other schools!
"THIS IS THE MOMENT THAT I LIVE FOR... " :)

3 more days to Danzation 2008!!!

aahh i can't wait for the performance days BUT i don't want this to be over so soon!

rehearsals have been damn fun. it feels so different on stage.

im so so so so so glad, proud, happy, thankful to be in NRA! WHOOO!

thank you everyone for all the hard work. so glad Meredith could watch us :) we must make the people cry, be touched, scream, cheer and FEEL US on 19th and 20th too!!!

can you feel me? :)

backstage is so fun! stuffy la but the atmosFUR (hehe) very good :) everyone like jiayou jiayou one another. got mirror to self prac, so very good. haha, got a piano some more! aiseh my partner can sing very well la, play piano and sing some more. ZAI. haha :)

quick changing is madness though. thank God i don't have any quick changes for this production. so can help people quick change.

we mustn't forget showmanship amidst all the mad changing though. cos i noticed yesterday, ppl got more worried about costume then when full out, expressions lacking. then look like dancing for the sake of dancing then move on to another item.

i know yesterday i also didn't really full out, as in never give enough expression. but i will give my best today and the rest of the days. and thank God yesterday i didn't forget formation (cos on Sunday i did, very badly, didn't get to one formation on time :( argh.) cannot afford to be complacent sia.

today no freshies item. or NRA showcase run, only external showcase run. we have like super few times to run thru external items so must make the time worth it. even with THAT crazy run into formation... one kind crazy i tell you. u don't believe u will see on that day. MADNESS SIA. but dunno whether will change annot. must see how later.

YAY go NRA! jiayou!!! 3 more days

FRESHIES! we must cheer for each other yea! cannot always the girls cheer for guys then guys never cheer for girls hor!!! and must remember the new formation for mass part. cannot blur! we must keep exceeding ann's expectations, cos we can de! jiayou!

i can't wait for later :)

( haiya my arms and shoulders still aching from fanning the charcoal during bbq on Sunday. ARGH. shall go anoint. )

and its not even over yet!

ZOMG today will be the last freshie girls prac before full run start Sat onwards! SO FAST CAN!

wahh i just wanna have fun and enjoy every moment :) LIVE every moment.

whoo do u feel it? u feel me? ni gan jue dao wo ma?
Danzation is next Friday man! CAN YOU FEEL ME?

aahhh

thank God for NRA and NRA friends! (altho my blog damn low profile. lol) for all the fun and good memories. sweat together. play together. laugh together. crap together. EAT together. we'll go eat spring fried chicken with Bob the Bubble soon :) HAHA. DANCE together. whooo

are u ready for Danzation??? cos'... im not. yet. Lols

( but i AM super super duper duper uber holiday mood now. just gotta finish factsheet for PR and its.all.over. and can focus on Danzation. yeah )

*jingle bells jingle bells* i want to Christmas shop! and get high cut from Warped at FEP! GAH.

gian-ing greatly now.

so random.

baby blue is a darn hard colour to shop for :(

happy.pissed.guilt.stress.loved.nostalgic.hungry.sleepy.

so many feelings in one day.

aiya i need to balance properly. gotta work on core strength sia. sorry that i kept messing up the steps in elevator prac today. tsk. need to practise more.. cannot disappoint.

Dare was good :) really felt loved. and it was really nice to have Pastor Dan preach there again.

random thought: i miss my brown eyeliner. can't seem to find it :(

anway, after Dare, went to Marina Square food court (in like what seemed like a very long time to me). AND I SUPER GIAN AH CHEW DESSERTS! wahh.

ok here might be a good time to remind myself of the things im gian-ing (lol):

• Ah Chew.. as always
• HIGH CUT SHOES! (i really wanna check out that warehouse sale mans)
• REDO MY HIGHLIGHTS! seriously.. my blue has turned purple and the purple has turned red. GAH.
• Shopping at FEP, like the slacking kinda window shopping
• Watching TV. i want nickelodeon and disney channel! yea call me a kid, whatever.
• Sashimi *drools*
• Ice cream.. turkish one or the hokkaido one, both at Clark Quay
• LOSE WEIGHT. gah.. i gotta stop thinking about food so much. well.. at least try.
• Do creative journal properly and nciely (yes, this is on the list. zomg haha :))
• Christmas. 18 days 18 days!!

wel im sure theres more to the list. but for now, its all good. anyway, good stuffs: my mommy is gonna fund the knee length boots im gonna buy on Monday. YAY :) and and!! I BOUGHT A CAP! from Clark Quay, after dinner with my parents. i like i like :) heehee..

btw, it says new york, tokyo and shadow. yeah i know, the shadow is abit out of point. but hey, i like it. period. YAY.

aahh Danzation, Christmas, holidays. good stuffs. but got mixed feeling about all. (well maybe except Christmas)

well, i know my Daddy has got everything planned out for me. and its really been all good so far. like everything has worked out well. praise God. im happy :) and i want to stay happy.

haha kk im going for first tmr. then dance dance dance to the freedom we know. haha :) sleepy time.

i should try to not blog so often. hur.

Just doing this for fun. cos i doing like this kinda (bo-liao) stuff :) hee

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the note from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Main Street Electrical Parade - Disneyland
ZOMG so out of point can. i would sound like some Disney fan gone wrong
can just imagine doing project work scenario...

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
We Carry On - Tim McGraw
hmmm?? moving along...

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Turn Me On - Norah Jones
wahhh!!! hahaha.. me sounds horny. yikes.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
You Are Holy - Nicole Nordeman
aahh yes.. finally something that makes sense here. lol

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Your Grace Is Enough - Chris Tomlin
:)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Yo Ho (A Pirate's Life For Me) - Pirates of the Caribbean
LOL! well, i am sort of a pirate *smiles innocently*

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Voices - Madonna
ooo.. i hear voices... and think about them very often?? okaaayy..

WHAT IS 2+2?
Jungle Boogie - Pastor Prince
well.. amen then pastor.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
What Time Is It? - HSM2 Cast
hehe :)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Dirty Pop - N Sync
oh my, k my answers to such qns are starting to sound really wrong..

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Miracle of the Moment - Steven Curtis Chapman
imma living in the moment :)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Bless The Broken Road - Rascal Flatts
sounds like im called for missionary work yo.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Jesus Is - Jaci Velasquez
:)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
You Don't Have To Hide - Joy Williams
yes, i don't have abusive parents.

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
All That I Need - Corrinne May
awwww... but i don't think i'd want to dance to this at my wedding. maybe smth like BOOM BOOM SHAKE SHAKE AND DROP! LOL :) kidding.. i think.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Black Horse & The Cheery Tree - KT Tunstall
"whoohoo" hahaha.. thats like the most obvious lyrics of the song. well thats good then, its a lively song, no gloom.

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Everybody Has A Laughing Place - James Baskett, Jesse Cryor, Johnny Lee & Nicodemus Stewart
hahahahahahahahahahaha... laughing is my hobby... hahahahahahahahahahaha...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Love Enough (Sydney, Australia) - Hillsong United
they love me enough? i love them enough? gou ma?

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Free At Last - Gaither Vocal Band
this must be from the devil. shut up.

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Above All - Rebecca At. James
YAY i'll be raptured! above all.. get it get it??

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Wanna Be Startin' Something - Michael Jackson
referring to homework maybe? cos starting something means having to finish it. haha yeah.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Those Words Are Not Enough - Relient K
yah words not enough, facial expressions and other stuff make me laugh too :) im a visual person

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Bad Day - Daniel Powter
aahh yes. apt answer.

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Grace & Love - Kutless
this is a weird question leh. the only probably fitting answers are "yes", "no" and "maybe" right?

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
I Wanna Dance With Somebody - Whitney Houston
rriiiiiggghhhttt... if this were true. i would have died from fear by now, considering NRA has 200 ppl.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Now or Never - HSM3 Cast
true true.. i don't want any "if only" moments anymore

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Shut Up - Black Eyed Peas
.............................................. ( actually my back hurts, but im not gonna confess. so shut up )

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Won't Stop - OneRepublic
yay :) i like onerepublic

TAG!
1-10: Whoever reads this :) yes you, you and you and...


oh and following up on the post title, i won't stop blogging
but will probably move to wordpress or blogger soon-ish :) will still upload all my pics here tho. YAY

bad service. grrrr.

especially when (1) im hungry  (2) other ppl who came later get their food first  (3) we've to wait freaking HALF AN HOUR for the food to come cos they obviously FORGOT our order.
*does bitchy glare and snap*

spastic service sia.

and no the food wasn't great. if it was, okay. but no, i think my maid cooks better. heck, i dun even cook fried stuff and i probably could cook better.

feel like i wasted my day. hate slacking around when i dun want to. haha, sounds weird but yeah. photo taking was fun tho :) shall post soon.. well soon-ish.

i want to feel like a kid again. im a simple girl. I MISS TV! and i wanted to set up the Christmas tree tooooooo... :( well ok at least i'll get to wrap the leaf thingy on the railings.

anyway, church was so good today! so nice and easy to understand, and so enlightening! zomg.. pastor charles nieman is dope man. SO gonna get the CD and rip into ipod.

kk back to work.
( i love doing work beside e Christmas tree. iloveChristmasiloveChristmasiloveChristmas. )

i don't like feeling this way...

update time.

friday was quite fun :) met limin and trecia after sch at raffles city. ate at mos burger and thought of phonetics journal stuff. HAHA, remembering year one times man.

then we took shuttle bus to the place from ZOMG the waiting place was soooo dusty can. cos of all the construction. yikes.

when we got there, seniors rehearsed like mad, all sweating a lot when we got there.

then went to back part to play water with beckie and jamie. took pics greatly :) and got super wet
then the performers came to take photos too. our seniors are funny man. keep doing funny poses. haha(koped the pics from ppl's blogs. cos i didnt bring camera :( so all e photos are on other ppl's cam)

may may, tim, and wen mei and gang came down too. the performance was good. i realised that lighting really affects how the choreo looks and all

it was really quite inspiring. to see how clean they were despite only 2 weeks of prac, and to see how they encouraged one another on stage, and fed off one anothers energy.

anyway after the thing was over, the seniors gave us a box of pizza hut pizza as appreciation. awwww. haha

then we had round 2: FREE DINNER :) marshmellows, ramen, crayfish, CHOC FONDUE galore. whoo dope sia. So shiok :)

walked up the cool, romantic UFO bridge thingy a bit then walked back down. cheap thrill sia

refreshed RP item steps with rahimah then left.

we had to walk a huge round to get to the bus sop. PLUS had to wait like almost half an hour for bus. argh!

but fun la, we got high humming and marking danzation items :)

took 10 home with trecia, got more high listening to danzation songs. got home at 10pm and was too tired to do work :(

need to really sit down and work on my comiss essay, website and FA2. gah.

"My whole life is about dance... When I choreographed to this song, I put my heart, my soul, my life into the whole choreography. But when you all dance, you all didn't give it back to me. You have to give it back to me, and fill me up. If not I'll be empty. And i will die! I need you to fill me up. Show me your soul in your dance. Even if it's just for one moment, then the rest can be choreography choreography. You have to dance like it's the last time you dance to this choreography."
- Meredith Kerr

i will never forget the sincerity she had. and her passion for dance.

respect.

today was...

first time Ann really really scolded us greatly. and i know we deserved it.

im still excited for Danzation. i still love dance even with the stress (and Ann's "the face". we got it for real today man). but.. respect man.

respect your choreographers
they put their heart and soul into choreographing the item
give them what they want
dance how they want us to, with the whole feel of it and all

respect your friends
if people are doing full out, you jolly well full out as well
we are family, show some basic respect for the ones who are putting in effort
we WANT to be in Danzation in the first place, no one forced us to be in it
so keep listening to the song even if we're sick of it
and practise practise practise

respect your audience
they surely didn't pay to see us forget steps
or to mark with a bit of effort
they pay to see a good production
and we better give it all we got

respect the stage
its a platform you're given the opportunity to perform on
full out means full out, not mark with effort
"the stage deserves a good and sincere performance" :)

STEPS. TIMING. ANGLES. SYNCHRO. FORMATIONS. COSTUMES. FACIAL EXPRESSION.

RESPECT YOURSELF
dance and have no regrets
don't let the past 5 months of effort be wasted

SMILE. just cos' we get scolded and corrected doesn't mean time to emo. WAKE UP and practise harder, we can do it one. getting scolded and corrected is a good thing okay. BELIEVE. we can make Danzation great.

i don't want us to be known as the worst batch of freshies ever in Danzation. what happened to the enthusiasm and drive? cannot disappoint those who have faith in us k.

i still got lots to learn. SO MUCH to learn. and i want to put in the effort.
thanks for the encouragement people, i really appreciate it :) we all really need some good encouragement sometimes.

btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIMIN! :) :) glad u like the jacket. jiayou and take care

i realise im blogging a lot these days. HAHA.

dance today was... hmm... good and bad lor.

forgetting steps. different angles. WRONG timing. not synchro. facial expression not there yet. no accent.

seriously the worst is timing and forgetting steps. at this time still cannot get steps right, cannot hit the timing is damn jia lat can.

can tell people don't have a sense of urgency. DANZATION IS 3 WEEKS AWAY YO.

im not saying im damn good or what. there are ALOT ALOT of stuff i gotta improve on as well. but i want to really give my best for Danzation. i don't want to forget steps. i don't want to forget formation. i don't want to panic or cry when it comes to rehearsals on stage. i want to have no regrets. what say you?

thanks for the effort so far everyone.
thanks LOADS to the choreographers. You guys really put your soul into choreographing. personally, i want to give it back. hope it shows.
thanks too to my friends in NRA. u guys are dope, really hope we stick close through the years we got here :) "you going studio already?" *looks just behind your ear while talking to you* HAHAHA

take care. don't get sick these 4 weeks ppl.

shoots i need to buy boots. good cheap boots.

stereotyping will be in exam. great big tip just given by Illydea today. whoo.. she's one lecturer who is super not subtle. Haha.. yes, its a good thing.

im getting a lot of funny looks in sch and outside. cos of my hair? most probably.

maybe its my black face. hey, when im tired i tend to look like black faced okay, deal with it. cheyy.. ahaha :) But just cos i have blue hair and a black face doesn't mean i'm ah lian or what can. what's wrong with dyed hair. hello.

i like my blue hair alot. it might well be one of the things i look back on 10 years from now and go "what was i thinking??" but i like it now :)

and whats with "yo yo" greetings and "okaaayyy" looks. i dance. period. sarcasm not appreciated, thanks.

(and NO, i do not like miley. just found this pic quite suitable. lol)

stereotyping is not good. im sure i do it too, sorry if i offend anyone. but yesh, im human too. lets try to not judge people. after all, we don't have the right to.

Random comment: Should i make a proper blog and move back to blogspot.com or wordpress??? Hahaha. comments appreciated.

"When you need a listening ear, can you confidently say that you can call anyone on your list of Facebook friends (or a good majority of them) and pour your heart out and have them actually listen? Mind you, I’m talking about people who genuinely care for you, as a person.

The current young generation is simply self absorbed and certainly does not fare well in the listening sector.

A: “Oh my, I’m so tired! I only slept four hours last night”.
B: “Please, I only slept for two okay. If I’m not complaining, why are you?”

This is just a short example of how one is totally absorbed in what happens in his/her life. If I had to eliminate all the ‘About Me’ details in B’s little conversation (above), it would be akin to nothing. People should really start listening instead of providing - more information about themselves. Sometimes what people really need is a listening EAR not a "this is why i'm greater than you" session."

got this from a youth.sg article: http://www.youth.sg/content/view/6263/59/

sighs, how true eh. we can be such "all-about-me" people sometimes. myself included la, duh. i guess we all gotta learn to think about others more. to care more about how others feel and what they go through

speaking or narcissism. i like my hair :) LOL.